Sunday, May 30, 2010

Letter #5- Last Chance

Dear Daddy,
Why didn't you listen to me? I called you the day before. I told you that..that dream, if that's what it was, and you promised- you promised- that you were coming back. But you didn't. And I was the last person on this Earth to talk to you. And God, I hate myself for that. Out of everyone in the world why did I get to be the last? What made me the right person to deserve to have that last conversation. And I know all my brothers resent that I was. And Uncle Jess does too. And Aunt Nette. And especially Mom. She says she's so happy I got to talk to you, but I see it in her eyes- "Why not me?"
And I had that chance to save you. And I tried. But I should have tried harder. For Momma. For my brothers. If I had tried harder they wouldn't have this atrocious pain. I could have saved them by saving you.
But I didn't.
And I'll never forget that it's all my fault. I robbed you of this Earth when I could have given it to you.
My God, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry to everyone.
If they knew they would hate me.
Like I hate myself.
Your daughter.
PS- I dyed some of my hair blue. You'd hate it.

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