Letter #1- Cinderella

My counselor told me to do this. She said if I wrote down memories of him that I could always remember him, his voice, his smell, his being. Like words on a computer screen could really represent everything he was to me. As if commas and apostrophes could actually keep him alive in my mind, could bring him back.
And He's never coming back. Period. End of story. Cue credits and dramatic music.
But honestly, it doesn't feel that way.
How could someone who was once here be gone in a second.
How is that possible?
Someone so valid, so real..he's a memory and that's it. Nothing more.
Presently I'm in stage number one: denial.
It's kinda of pleasant in a twisted way. I still have this hope that he could still be out there. That maybe they found some other person's body in that far away place. It can't be him, it just can't. And I won't accept it, I just won't.
Death is just so incomprehensible.
But the point of this, at least for me, not my counselor, is that I want to feel like I'm talking to him. Like I'm writing this and he'll read it and smirk at me when he's finished. Like he always did..

Dear Daddy,
I took your Steven Curtis Chapman CD yesterday. Hope you don't mind. You always were taking my CD's so I figured just one wouldn't hurt. Especially not this one. And I know I laughed at you when sang that Cinderella song to me with tears in your eyes but I thought you should know I laughed because I didn't want you to see how deeply it touched me. I could see in your face how much you loved me and for some reason I couldn't let you see how badly I needed you. And I remember that face in my dark moments when I miss you so much my chest aches. Your eyes were closed and your hand was patting your thigh offbeat. Tears slid down your cheeks as you sang me lyrics about me being Cinderella and going to the ball and meeting Prince Charming. I remember you crying because you loved me so much.
And when I heard that song on the way to school I felt a crack reverberate down my heart. There's this line where Mr. Chapman sings, "and the clock will strike midnight and she'll be gone.."
Neither of us had any idea you would be the one to leave when the clock struck 12.
But I would give anything for one more hour with you, one more dance.
Your daughter.