Letter #6- Dreams

Dad,
You have to come back now. School is going to start soon and you have to seem me become a Junior in High School. I know, you weren't here for most of my First Days but still. You were here, in this world, loving me.
I grieve in my dreams, Daddy. I talk about you in reality with a smile and I resent anyone, anything, that makes me feel emotion. I avoid that deep, dark, sadness that threatens me with it's appereance. But at night..
I dream of you. In a hundred different ways so far.
Sometimes you're still alive and I beg you not to go to that far away place and die.
Sometimes you're already gone and I ask you about all these secret you've left behind.
Everytime, though, I realize it's my fault.
It's my fault you're dead.

But I cry only in my dreams.
To cry for real, in the world, in this reality..it hurts too bad.
But in my dreams I bawl, and scream, and let the tears just flow that need to flow..
People ask me where these black circles under my eyes came from.
It's because I dream of you. Every night.

see you soon.

Letter #4- Impossible

Dear Daddy,
I've been trying, you know I have. But I can't go on like this. I can't go on missing you this badly everyday for the rest of my life. In my dreams you hold me like you used to and I find relief. But when my eyes open and I breathe in my heart aches like I didn't know it could. I feel like everyday I get better and worse. Everyday hurts more on the inside, but looks better on the outside. I'm such a fraud.
I just want you to be here again. Right now. Please.
Just to see you. To see your face. I wanna be your little girl again.
I just can't go on like this.
And everyday pulls me further and further away from the time when you were alive.
I miss you.
Your daughter.