Letter #5- Last Chance

Dear Daddy,
Why didn't you listen to me? I called you the day before. I told you that..that dream, if that's what it was, and you promised- you promised- that you were coming back. But you didn't. And I was the last person on this Earth to talk to you. And God, I hate myself for that. Out of everyone in the world why did I get to be the last? What made me the right person to deserve to have that last conversation. And I know all my brothers resent that I was. And Uncle Jess does too. And Aunt Nette. And especially Mom. She says she's so happy I got to talk to you, but I see it in her eyes- "Why not me?"
And I had that chance to save you. And I tried. But I should have tried harder. For Momma. For my brothers. If I had tried harder they wouldn't have this atrocious pain. I could have saved them by saving you.
But I didn't.
And I'll never forget that it's all my fault. I robbed you of this Earth when I could have given it to you.
My God, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry to everyone.
If they knew they would hate me.
Like I hate myself.
Your daughter.
PS- I dyed some of my hair blue. You'd hate it.

Letter #4- Impossible

Dear Daddy,
I've been trying, you know I have. But I can't go on like this. I can't go on missing you this badly everyday for the rest of my life. In my dreams you hold me like you used to and I find relief. But when my eyes open and I breathe in my heart aches like I didn't know it could. I feel like everyday I get better and worse. Everyday hurts more on the inside, but looks better on the outside. I'm such a fraud.
I just want you to be here again. Right now. Please.
Just to see you. To see your face. I wanna be your little girl again.
I just can't go on like this.
And everyday pulls me further and further away from the time when you were alive.
I miss you.
Your daughter.